The Ambivalence of Being “Single”

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” – Sex in the City

I don't want to settle (Where are you?)

Today someone asked me if I would ever get married again.  I have to admit, the question certainly caused a pause in me. As I think about it, I am infatuated by the concept of a “committed relationship” that leads to marriage. I believe that the marital arrangement can be beautiful. In fact, my parents will have been married 37 years this December and they still like to sit back and dissect movies together. Quite the opposite for me, I only lasted approximately 7 years before I threw in my hat (gloves, towel, shoes, all of it!!). It was not a pleasant experience.

I sit here now recognizing that there is some ambivalence that comes with being single.  On one hand, I think about what it would be like to be in a satisfying relationship, to have a partner to spend time with, to be held, to be adored, to be taken on trips or out to fancy dinners, to clown around with at home, to hold hands with and take walks…you get the picture. As a matter of fact, I have the perfect vision of who my knight in shining armor would be. I think about our getaway in Costa Rica or eloping in Puerto Rico (I have my reasons why).

On the other hand (unless my knight comes to his senses and miraculously appears ), there are aspects about being single that I thoroughly enjoy.  I do not have to worry about living up to someone else’s expectations, I do not have to explain why I am running late for work, ask if it is OK to take a weekend getaway with friends or have what I wear when I leave home critiqued.  I can be alone in my room when I want to, there is no one to argue with, no one to suggest subtle “changes” in my appearance or behavior or to go through my personal belongings when I am not home. I make the decisions and I can trust myself to do what is right. I do not have anyone around to provide the space to hurt me, and then trust he never will. There is a high degree of peace (yes, even with being the single mother of four teenagers, LOL).

If you can be in a wonderful relationship that offers you the space to stay true to who you are as an individual person (For example, I am a woman, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a writer, a singer, a lover of travel, a friend, etc.) yet provides the comforts of sharing your life with a special someone who compliments you in all the best ways, then great!!!

Until that time, I may not speak for the masses but I think being single has its advantages and experiencing “the ambivalence of being single” from time to time is NOTHING compared to suffering a mundane and/or bad relationship.  Who’s with me?!!