Starting Fresh

Just the other day

As promised, I am starting off the week with a post. I had been cogitating on a topic until it struck me that this would be an ideal moment to reflect on what it means to “start fresh”. 

Why am I thinking about the concept of “starting fresh”? Perhaps it is the desire to continue shedding those elements of my life that are not or have not served me well. Perhaps it is the dream-work being done to launch a consulting firm. Perhaps even, it is the acceptance of unexpected events and learning to accept the things that I cannot change. Perhaps, “starting fresh” means ridding myself of the counter-productive thoughts that at times, lends to procrastination.

The wise words of Albert Einstein have been echoed quite frequently lately….truly… insanity can be defined as “doing what you have always done and expecting different results”.  So, starting fresh would work concurrently changing previous, unsuccessful actions.  Many times, the act of letting go or “ending” an era is necessary to initiate a beginning. This theory is in harmony with the work of William Bridges in the book “Managing Transitions” when he offers a framework for how humans experience change. Namely, there is an Ending, The Neutral Zone and Beginnings.  For example, losing a loved one inevitably evokes a beginning of a life that does not include them (whether life be better or worst).

So, what I am going to do for myself, is to list 2-3 endings that I have experienced within the last 6 months and at least 1 ending that I need to facilitate in order to continue improving my life.  Just thinking about this will force me to keep my eyes on the mirror and the image it reflects.  This exercise may work for you too!!

Choosing “The Blue Pill”? (Pt. 2 of Accepting the Truth and Change)

Yesterday, I discussed having the capacity to accept the truth and make necessary changes. Today, I will add brevity and depth to the topic by examining a related phenomenon. It occurs when an individual experiences the truth as to difficult to handle in a relationship. For example, the individual who would rather be with a spouse  in a “Pretendship” for egotistical, selfish or financial reasons-see the urban dictionary for a definition of “pretendship“- instead of accepting the truth- that it is over. The propensity for human beings to force the reality they want (or want to believe) by asking for the life of a lie is strong. Watch the following clip and then keep reading to learn more.

Consider this, if someone tells you what you want to hear because you demand to hear it, does it make it true? Does it mean that it is sincerely meant?  Just like in the above scene in the Matrix, the reality still exist if you took the “blue pill”. You have just chosen to function in blissful ignorance.

You may be wondering why I have honed in on “relationships”. Well, I am dedicating the last few blogs to a near and dear friend who is being forced to stay in a situation that is no longer a happy one,  for fear of being made to suffer financially and jeopardizing other loosely related, valued relationships. In essence, this friend must live a lie and is being threatened to force others to believe it for self-preservation and survival.  No one is interested in what would make this person happy, only that this individual does what is desired and pretends (if that is what it takes).  I am a single woman and have been for a long time but I do remember what it is like to be miserable in a relationship you no longer want to be a part of.  I wish this friend strength, diligence, endurance and tolerance in future endeavors but I do remind this one that “the truth will set you free”.  Until then……. I’ve copied and pasted reasons that may warrant the ending of a relationship below in RED, you can follow this link to learn more http://personals.enterto.com/article_katwoman.html

If you find yourself lying about things on a regular basis for fear of hurting her or even disappointing her, you should consider ending the relationship. You shouldn�t have to lie and she shouldn�t have to be with someone who does lie.

– If you have the urge to cheat because you don�t want to be tied down, then end the relationship before that happens. It might be difficult to tell someone you want to see other people, but honesty will win out in the end. Be upfront. You�ll sleep better at night if you are.

Of course, if you don�t want to be in a relationship with the other person � or, quite frankly, with anyone — then that�s a good enough reason to not stick around. A relationship can�t grow with only one person contributing to it. It takes two dedicated people to make it work. If only one person is doing the building while the other is off having a siesta, daydreaming about being somewhere else with someone else, cut your losses early and move on. You�ll both be happier people in the end.

The ONE

Accepting the Truth and Change

I would be remiss if I did not broach the topic of change, or rather how difficult it can be to accept.

HELLO Again

Although it is common knowledge that change is unavoidable and inevitable, frequently individuals resist it when it is not the most desirable. What is sad about this stance is that there are things that you can not change hence the old saying:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr

“The wisdom to know the difference”, well this is a quagmire because “knowing” the difference is not about what you want to have happen; it is about accepting the reality that is.  Simply put, you cannot force feelings/emotions/events/desires “into” and “out of” existence. As it relates to human beings, you cannot force an adult to “do what you say”,  feel the way you want them to feel or erase thoughts and feelings that are present, no more than you could force it to rain or snow. 
The truth can be difficult to absorb, yet necessary for reproving…setting things straight and moving forward. Unfortunately, the truth is typically distorted in order to avoid repercussions. The illusion being safer and less difficult to manage.  Remember, when you seek the truth, be ready for it. Can you accept and respect the truth?  Rarely do you hear of situations where adults are able to come together calmly, settle business in a peaceful way and then move forward wishing each other a good life.  It is instead a potpourri of rage, threats, criticisms, judgments, suffering and ultimatums. It gets ugly. It becomes a fight, which is unproductive.

“Becoming mature means learning to accept what you cannot change, facing unresolved sorrows and learning to love life as it really happens, not as you would have it happen.” – Barbara Sher

Circumstances can be less than ideal and I regret that but they are still ever present and real.   It is…what it is.  I have found that you don’t have to “chase” the change, whatever or whomever it is…..it (or he/she) materializes and comes to you.