Starting Fresh

Just the other day

As promised, I am starting off the week with a post. I had been cogitating on a topic until it struck me that this would be an ideal moment to reflect on what it means to “start fresh”. 

Why am I thinking about the concept of “starting fresh”? Perhaps it is the desire to continue shedding those elements of my life that are not or have not served me well. Perhaps it is the dream-work being done to launch a consulting firm. Perhaps even, it is the acceptance of unexpected events and learning to accept the things that I cannot change. Perhaps, “starting fresh” means ridding myself of the counter-productive thoughts that at times, lends to procrastination.

The wise words of Albert Einstein have been echoed quite frequently lately….truly… insanity can be defined as “doing what you have always done and expecting different results”.  So, starting fresh would work concurrently changing previous, unsuccessful actions.  Many times, the act of letting go or “ending” an era is necessary to initiate a beginning. This theory is in harmony with the work of William Bridges in the book “Managing Transitions” when he offers a framework for how humans experience change. Namely, there is an Ending, The Neutral Zone and Beginnings.  For example, losing a loved one inevitably evokes a beginning of a life that does not include them (whether life be better or worst).

So, what I am going to do for myself, is to list 2-3 endings that I have experienced within the last 6 months and at least 1 ending that I need to facilitate in order to continue improving my life.  Just thinking about this will force me to keep my eyes on the mirror and the image it reflects.  This exercise may work for you too!!

What’s missing?

You still peeking?

Every now and again, I feel as though this life…my life…is missing something essential.  It is not that I am unhappy, or that I am struggling.  I am actually quite fortunate as a single mom in that regard.  I have a great career, 4 beautiful teenagers, fantastic family and friends, a place of my own, a nice car, I can write, sing, dance, I have been to some wonderful places.  Life is not perfect, however; it is satisfying. 

Even still, I have these moments where I experience what can only be described as an empty space.  I feel like there is an essential element that is missing that would make me feel more complete.

Perhaps, I am in love with my fantasies. My imagination sometimes has me caught up in the rapture of possibilities.  What could be? What should be? What can be? and what cannot be.  Perhaps, there is someone reading this short blog right now…….feeling the same way that I do.   Wondering what is missing? or “Knowing” what is missing with no clue of how to attain it.

The quandary is figuring out what to do, if anything.

WHY SO SERIOUS?!!

Being easy in Guanacaste, Costa Rica

Have you ever wondered what was wrong with someone just because they smiled and said “hello”?  Crazy, huh?

I have always been a strong advocate of fun and play.  I almost lost sight of that fact while providing organization development consulting services to a well-known client in the area.  The result was lack of passion, lack of creativity and innovation….dare I say almost a lack of interest in the work. Then I asked myself the question “WHY SO SERIOUS?”  This lead me to play around with an energizing variety of intervention design ideas and activities. I became excited about the ways that I could work with my client to create a shift in the system….to evoke necessary change…to gain the buy-in of primary client, customers and stakeholders alike.  I regained my joy and reaffirmed that I had chosen the right master’s program for me. I reminded myself that I can make a difference doing this work, which I love.

So, the next time you feel your jaws clenched….your brows furrowed…your skin of your forehead crinkled…your shoulders tight and aching, your neck stiffening…ask yourself…….”WHY SO SERIOUS?”.

Work-Life Balance? Is it just a Fantasy?

I wish I had something deep and profound to say today. I wish I could share a story, a reflection, or a learning.

Trying to keep the pace

Unfortunately, all I can share at this point is that I am TIRED!!!

I am one of many who are engrossed in Western societies never-ending chaos that is comprised of being a single, working mother, a career professional, a graduate student, a daughter, a big sister, a friend, a writer, a singer, on the verge of being an entrepreneur, an avid reader, a lover of music, a lover of the arts and so on.  Honestly, the first three items on the list take up such an expansive chunk of life that the other roles are dwarfed significantly.

My mantra has become “there aren’t enough hours in the day” and I tell myself continuously that it is all necessary (and I contend that much of it is), yet I know that I will have to do what many of folks in the U.S. are attempting to do and that is….achieve “work-life balance”. BUT er…uh…what is that really?

Work-Life Balance has become a spectacular catch phrase that provides an illusion.  It would seem all you have to say is that you are working to achieve it and somehow you can rid yourself of the guilt that comes with having not made any concrete changes in your life that would be essential to having it be a reality.  I do not think it means abandoning your ambitions, responsibilities or desires. I do think it means recalibrating your life in a way that allows you to be able to enjoy all it has to offer. I do think it means reminding yourself that having a strong, work ethic and commitment to excellence does not mean that you must drain yourself, 24 hours a day to promote any business be it your own or someone else’s. You do not have to abandon all the characteristics that make up the whole of who you  are in order to be considered a good parent.  Anything done in extremes can be unhealthy.

Now, I am challenging myself to be all that I am, to stretch to become all that I can be ( I know, we can thank the ARMY commercials for that little gem, 🙂  )  while also taking care of myself, nurturing my talents and building in activities that are bound to ensure that I am continually experiencing joy.  I will keep working hard…..but I will remember to push the ‘PAUSE’ button along the way.

The “GIFT” of Feedback

I was talking to my son over the weekend about the benefits of feedback. When constructive feedback is given for the benefits of the receiver, than it most certainly is experienced as a “gift”.  Feedback can be either positive, negative or neutral. In any event, when specifics are provided and when the giver is willing to share her/his experience based upon this data it gives you an opportunity to re-evaluate yourself, to make adjustments if needed, to know what you should continue doing and how you may be getting in your own way.  The sheer number of self-serving biases that the complex human brain can create make it imperative, for our own personal growth and development, to be in search of feedback.

I would LOVE to think that I was perfect. Oh, if only I did everything right all the time. If only I was incapable of any behaviors that may drive someone crazy.  The ultimate human being!!!  Yeah…right. Of course, I have my strengths (as we all do) but I also have areas of shall we say “opportunity”.  🙂

You may not believe this, but often times we do not see ourselves the way others do. There are some things that we do that are so innate or automatic that they are out of our awareness. We are desensitized to them.  For instance, when I become overly anxious/nervous and/or if I am doubting myself….. I apparently snicker/giggle….even when I am totally and completely serious.  When I was offered this feedback, along with examples of when it has occurred and how this individual felt when it happened,  my first urge was to deny it completely. Instead,  I had to ask my self why this credible, intelligent person would give me that sort of feedback if it were not warranted. This caused me to take a deep breath and say “I am going to start paying attention to myself more closely to see if I can identify and minimize/eliminate it.  I need to understand what is happening that may be causing it.”  You see, nobody is saying that you have to take all feedback  at face value…that is the purpose of having concrete examples.  It is then up to you to validate.  Feedback is worth hearing and checking out.  It is for your benefit and it can’t always be full of praise. We learn and grow much more from making mistakes and working on our faults than you would from doing something right.

How can you recognize or provide constructive feedback ? Keep in mind…….

It is descriptive rather than evaluative.
It is specific rather than general.
It is directed toward behavior that the receiver can do something about.
It is well timed.
It is checked to ensure clear communication.
It is checked for accuracy.
It takes into account the needs of both the receiver and giver of feedback.